ask vienda anything n° 1

The juice on dating these days; not having children; choosing to 'settle'; the mother wound; where my income really comes from; how to be more soft & feminine; the friendship problem... and more!

In a soft and gentle process of unravelling myself from a toxic relationship with social media, I am bringing some of the elements that I enjoyed over there, here.

One of those is the occasional ‘ask me anything’ which allows me to connect with you on a deeper level. One thing that I love about Instagram is the co-creative community and conversations we can hold there, which I hope to continue to have with you, here.

Every so often ( a few times per year) I will answer your questions in this kismet space.

Whether it’s about a personal viewpoint, business or creative related, relationships or our inner world, if you need advice on a big (or small) problem in your life, feel free to submit whatever you’re wondering or seeking help on.

Questions don’t have to be super in-depth, if you’re just looking for a link to something or wondering what my favourite beach in Europe or Mexico is, feel free to ask those kinds of questions too! 

Let’s dive into the most recent ones you sent through.

Got questions for next time? Pop them in here.

How is dating going? Give us the juice!

This is probably the most asked question I received which is wonderful and hilarious all at once. I have become much more private about my love life and my personal life in general, and the only things I share are how paywalled which means only paid subscribers receive the more intimate updates that I chose to share. So I won’t divulge too much but what I can say is:

Yes, I am dating.

No, I am not using the apps. I don’t think that the kind of man I want to be with is on there. They do not feel like the space I want to operate within for something as precious as my heart. I really rely on connections made by others and organic interactions and synchronicity and the kismet-ness of life for all of that.

No, there’s no one significant in my life right now.

I have learned so much about romantic love, connection and intimacy in the past few years and it’s so beautiful to grow in this area of my life. I am slowly working on an article to articulate these learnings and share them with you.

What are the 3 most important things you look for in a partner?

Emotional connection, a shared vision and dreams for life, and a sense of adventure/fun.

A few months ago I listened to an insightful podcast on romantic relationships on A Diary Of A CEO (listen here: Apple | Spotify) where he interviewed a professional matchmaker and I learned a lot from it. He said the key things to look for in a long-standing loving partnership, are:

• emotionally fit (stable/intelligent)

• resiliently resourceful

• curious & open-minded

• courageous vision

• compassionate

• attracted to one another

• shared r’ship goals

I like how soft and feminine you are. Can you speak about how to be more feminine?

I think it’s less about being ‘more feminine’ and more about embracing and expressing your authenticity. I happen to be naturally very feminine and gentle. But my focus hasn’t been on being that. My focus is always on being the most honest expression of my soul and truth. The way it comes out is a very feminine expression. So I would say, don’t try to be more feminine, but rather try to be more ‘you’ and strip away all the conditioning that stands in the way of an authentically expressed version of you. Then you will shine in your own version of femininity/masculinity/beauty/essence.