I wasn’t prepared for it.
The wind, rain, grey skies, and 4.30 pm sunset confound my sense of space and time as I lie on the hand-knitted vintage blanket in a tiny guest room in one of my girlfriends’ homes in south London.
The conversations that now revolve primarily around the dismantling shock that has come with her becoming a mother. Life is not and never will be as it once was for her.
Before.
Before becoming a mother.
Before starting a business.
Before getting married.
Before moving cities.
Before covid.
We talk about how so much of life is not as people have told us it would be when we arrive there and how we can never be prepared for what we don’t know.
What we can do is surrender to the constant flux and seasons of life. Instead of tightly grasping onto what is familiar. Nothing in life will ever remain the same or be as it once was before.
I am in London for a week of both work and pleasure. Meetings for future projects, a photo shoot, and catch-ups with friends who are essentially family.
This city has always held a special place in my heart. I come here to compare different versions of the woman I am with those who lived here before.
The 19-year-old desperately trying to discover who she is and inadvertently landed in the 2000’s cocaine-soaked film industry in Soho which after two winters, she decided to leave to study psychology in the hottest location she could find, landing her in FNQ in Cairns, Australia for 4 years.
The 26-year-old alighting with the intention to rearrange the chaos that had become her life and deeply immersed herself in spiritual philosophies, metaphysics and manifestation to make sense of the wild mystery that is life.
The 33-year-old tending to a broken heart while nurturing her big dream to start a business that is an extension of everything she has been consumed by up to this point. A blend of psychology, spirituality and epigenetics.
The 37-year-old tending to another broken heart, but this time, a woman who decisively, for the first time truly knew herself and chose herself, while also creating a positive impact in the world through her work and words. The dreams from many years ago materialising into her day-to-day reality.
The 39-year-old realising that in many ways her life has come full circle since her first arrival in her many returns across the 20 years of her adult life and that somehow her life path is intertwined with this city in some intricate and unexplainable way.
Today, I witness how London has changed and how it has changed me over the years. I feel such a deep sense of gratitude for the many gifts it has given me in the form of friendships, opportunities, and lessons. My heart is intertwined with the worn alleys and streets of this city, whatever the weather, however much my conversations are unlike the ones I shared before.
Because nothing is as it once was.
Before.
Before everything happened.
Before life took its meandering, kismet path, that is unlike anything I could have preconceived or imagined.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them — that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” -Lao Tzu
6 journal prompts to help you navigate change.
Identify three emotions you have been feeling recently around a change (or changes) in your life. Lean into them and write down the ways they have shown up in your behaviors and conversations.
Do you like change or find it difficult? Write about why.
If you don’t like change, list some reasons you might be resisting it. Then list three ways that you can embrace it more.
Is what’s changing in your life important to you? Why or why not?
List any obstacles that might be holding you back from change right now. Now list three pragmatic ways you can overcome each of them.
What do you wish to gain or experience coming out of a current change you’re going through? What do you want to accomplish from this change?