life > screens; + boundary tips
how I taught myself to have boundaries with screen time to reclaim my life
I am sitting on my bed in my cabin, a cup of tea balanced on my plannher beside me, my cat Danger Zone nuzzled onto my right arm hindering access to the keys as I tap these words to you. I’ve had a morning of private clients on Zoom, was on Instagram, in the name of marketing and now am writing you an email. A delightful form of intimate connection tapped out via Substack.
Everything I have done so far today has happened on screens.
In retrospect, we see what this journey of life really is.
What it was made up of.
In retrospect, we see that our whole life is made up of choices, one after another, in the name of love and connection.
Self-employment is an incredible privilege. I started on this path because I instinctively refused to join the 9-5 grind. It can also be incredibly overwhelming and (very) lonely. Little did I know that a few years along my work would end up being mostly behind a screen.
I work about 20-25 hours weekly in and on my businesses.
Every single one of those hours is spent on a screen.
One thing I don’t want is to look back and regret how much time I spent on screens instead of existing in the living, breathing world around me.
Technology is wonderful in so many ways. It offers me a way to contribute to society that is both meaningful and creative, on my terms. My life is (mostly) my own with the efficient ease of having communication, connection and organisation tools housed in a magical cloud in the sky.
I spend an average of 4-6 hours on screens per day. That includes using meditation apps, music apps, map apps, banking apps, notes apps, workout platforms and apps that help me in my business.
But if I’m honest, much of that time is spent on Instagram, WhatsApp, and search engines.
Yet.
Many of us strongly desire to withdraw from the outward-facing parts of life… hence the move away from screens and social media. It’s about reconnecting inwards. Allowing ourselves to feel what wants to come through us. This means that we’re no longer focused on the external noise but rather on the internal guidance.
But the world that we exist in does not allow this descent. Going inwards requires slowing down.
Slowing down is very hard in a world built on fast consumption.
It is incredibly rebellious to slow down in this world and yet… this is the only way the only place where we can find ourselves. To reconnect to those parts of ourselves that are yearning to be heard. That is here with us, beside us every step of the way; that we often remain disconnected from.
We take those moments in, in tiny sips but never fully bitten into, absorbed, inhaled, made use of. This richness and depth that is available to us all the time is accessible only through slowing down.
But screens.
They blink and flash and move fast and catch our eyes. They elevate our adrenaline, activate our dopamine and make us think that life is supposed to feel extremely exciting all the time. They impact our circadian rhythms and stop us from sleeping well and deeply resting when we need to. They suck us into a spiral of trying to keep up with ‘fast and now and more’.
When what we really seeking is love and connection.
Here is how I taught myself to have boundaries with screen time to reclaim my life.
I fill conceivable screen time with a different form of connection. I make it a priority to spend time with friends, go out in nature, read books, cuddle my cat, go to gigs and events with other living breathing humans, travel, paint, draw, dream and journal. It’s so easy in moments of loneliness to get on a screen and spiral. I ensure that I have enough heart-nourishing things happening in my life that I don’t have to.
I have a phone-free morning routine. It’s so easy to pick up my phone first thing when I first wake up. Just in case someone I love got in touch! I often think to myself. But the ripple effect of putting a device before my human self is palpable throughout the day. Instead, I leave my phone where it is in another space or room, and spend the first half an hour at least, waking up, stretching, taking my retainers out, scraping my tongue, making warm water with lemon, doing a little lymphatic drainage massage or a meditation, before I go anywhere near that thing.
I have a phone-free evening routine. I am very strict with myself on this one because it’s easy to get devoured into a sea of I’ll just look up this one last thing, when I am tired in the evenings. Instead, I place my phone on aeroplane mode, put it to charge as far from reach as possible and spend half an hour to an hour alone with just myself and my thoughts.
I use an app to monitor screen time. I use and recommend Opal, which I love both aesthetically and because it seems to kick me off whatever app I am using at just the right time as if it can sense when I’ve been overdoing it. It is crazy to me how lost I can get in the void of apps and on-screen productivity. These things were supposed to give us more time and ultimately they are stealing our time unless we reclaim it.
I consistently delete certain apps. Instagram in particular, because it’s my strongest draw to get lost in. Even if just for a few days, but sometimes for weeks or more, what a relief it is for that app to disappear from my phone. Every few weeks I go through my phone and cull apps: ones I rarely use and ones I use too much and need a break from.
I minimise my ‘follow’ list. A sure way to stop myself from scrolling is running out of things to scroll so I maintain a very small list that is focused only on necessary work-related connections, friends I can only connect with in this way, and accounts that inspire me to be a better human.
I set limits on how much time I spend on screens. One of my highest values is presence. Something that I practice in every area of my life. If I am on a screen — unless I am with a client, writing, answering emails, or designing a new project — I am not present. I have a strong pact with myself to keep my phone tucked away when I am with other people. I try to have certain windows during which I use social media. I take photos in moments and believe that not everything needs to be documented.
I intentionally cultivate a life that is more than screens. I leave my phone behind whenever I can. I put my phone in inconvenient places so I can focus on the task at hand. I spend time in parts of the world that don’t have an internet connection. I find peace there. It’s not perfect. It’s a work in progress. Eventually, I would love to exist in a way where I am not using my phone more than a few hours per day. And sometimes not at all for stretches of days and weeks. Right here and now that’s not entirely possible. I am doing my best.
These implementations are probably things you’ve already heard of. They’re not mind-blowing or new. But doing them is a whole other story. They require self-control, structure, boundaries and communicating with your people when you are available and when you are not.
Research can't keep up with the pace of technological innovation. And being human is pretty complex. But what we do know is how spending time on screens makes each of us feel.
I know that when I hit my limit my body starts to feel ungrounded and anxious. That limit is around 4-5 hours. When I have boundaries on my screen time, I benefit from more joy, more creativity, more positive thoughts and more real-life human connections.
