not ready
Don’t hold back, waiting to be ready. It will never arrive.
When I was 15 I went on a long overseas trip for the first time entirely on my own. I had signed up to be a foreign exchange student in the States for one year. I boarded the plane snotty-nosed and big, red eyes rimmed with tears and a knot in my stomach.
I was not ready.
That year ended up being the happiest time of my life so far and formed my independence and sense of self in an immeasurable way.
When I was 23 I attended my first-ever electronic music festival. I was resistant and didn’t want to go and thought it would be full of weirdos and absolutely, definitely not for me. My boyfriend at the time promised me we would leave after 1 day if I truly hated it.
I was not ready.
At that music festival, I got to know the producers of the festival and other producers of other music festivals and all sorts of fascinating, inspiring, incredible people that I admired who hired me based on my personality and skills and ended up making music festivals my career for 5 years.
When I was 28 I wrote my first few blog posts. One day I decided to share one on Facebook. I was shaking and started to get all hot and prickly inside as my finger hovered over the ‘post’ button. I took a deep breath, clicked the button and then quickly closed the computer, terrified of what people would say and walked away.
I was not ready.
After that, it became easier and easier to share and to post and to write and after 2 years of writing and sharing, I had a popular blog with over 10,000 readers every month.
When I was 30 I desperately wanted to turn my blog into a business. I came across a course that promised me all the answers and I thought about whether to take it or not for an entire month. 10 minutes before enrolment closed for the year, sweating with fear I assembled all my resources and courage and paid the $2,000 even though it made me feel nauseous.
I was not ready.
That investment led me to create a business where I support, mentor and teach people in areas of life that I am educated and experienced in. It has allowed me to do work in alignment with my values and has supported me on every level, especially financially over the past (almost) 11 years.
When I was 33 I bought a van to travel along the East Coast of Australia. I didn’t know anything about cars (I still don’t) or how to make my #vanlife fantasy reality but I pooled all my resources together and followed my heart, even though…
I was not ready.
Two weeks later my van blew up, but I fell in love and my entire life trajectory changed in the most wonderful and unexpected ways, that I am so grateful for today.
When I was 36, heartbroken, sick, confused and torn apart, I booked a flight from Canada to a town in Mexico that I had never heard of, knew no one in, and arrived there the next day with a suitcase filled with hope.
I was not ready.
That town became my home for two years where I tended to my heart, healed and grew. It was a safe container that held me in tender ways nowhere else had before and gave me everything I didn’t even know I needed.
When I was 38 I wanted to bring to the world an undated planner for women based on a design I used for the past 5 years. I spent an entire year trying to find someone who could produce my idea in an ethical and environmentally conscious way. Disheartened, after 100s of enquiries were sent, I gave up.
I was not ready.
One day a publishing house in Bulgaria that was run by a small family team replied and said they would love to help fulfil my dream. I moved to the UK to be closer to production and ship those books out myself. In June 2020 Plannher was born. Since then 1,200 Plannhers have been sent around the world. I have 300 left.
A few months ago I decided to go to a place I had never been to before. Africa. I was scared sad and uncertain about my decision.
I was not ready.
The day I left for Africa I let thick tears roll down my cheeks while sitting on the train to the airport. I went anyway. It gave me exactly what I needed: a contrast so strong and difficult that it gave me the deepest appreciation for the life I have. Now, I am so excited to make the most of it.
I’ve noticed something interesting…
The very best things that have happened to me were the things I did when I wasn’t ready. The things that shook me and tore at me and made me feel the biggest feelings and pushed me and stretched me and scared me and lit a flame of hope in my heart and big dreams in my imagination…
Those things gave me the most, beyond my wildest dreams, even though…
I was not ready.
Don’t hold back, waiting to be ready. It will never arrive.
Even if you’re not ready.
A follow-up to this was written a couple of months after the release of ‘not ready’ titled ‘not yet’. Read it here:
This is a really beautiful post. Thank you