the cult of youth

ageing as a process of becoming one self and thriving beyond 'middle-age' because the markers have moved

I have a Pinterest board of women, ageing gracefully. They are wrinkling, greying, vibrant, alive and beautiful. In a world that fetishises youth like it's the last avocado toast on Earth, I created this board and look at it frequently to prime my brain for the future.

Sometimes I find a white hair shimmering amongst my brown ones and admire it. Sometimes I pull it out reactively and immediately wonder why I did that. Did I just assault my own wisdom? Sometimes I look in the mirror and see that the bouncy suppleness of my skin is melting into something that can only be described as... well, tired? I have a skin routine to combat it, and people tell me it's working, which boosts my vanity faster than you can say "retinol."

As a millennial privileged with growing older, I am not immune to the flashy world of plastic unlined skin and coloured hair that belies our true nature.

At the same time, I think it’s important to note that our aspirations and ideas about ageing are changing so fast, maturing and growing older and wiser is something to be embraced, and how we age can be a choice.

Research tells us that most people under 50 are going to live to 120.

Examples:

— A new study by Washington University shows there is an 89% chance that someone will live to 126 during the 21st century.

— Living to 120 is becoming an imaginable prospect.

— Perhaps the greatest human accomplishment of the past century was the remarkable increase in life expectancy.

That means that if you’re under 50—which I understand to be most of us here in this community if we have the fortune of being healthy, educated and well-resourced to take care of ourselves—you’re only a third of the way in your life.

Knowing that, changes the way we move through our lives.

There's no rush! We have no timeline to adhere to. Life is long! At the same time, death is imminent, and what we do with our life is all that matters. It's like being at an all-you-can-eat buffet that lasts 120 years – pace yourselves, but also, maybe try the dessert first sometimes?

Last year I decided to stop telling people my age. Sometimes I lie about it.

Not because I have any shame around it. Because I refuse to allow others' projections of what is deemed socially acceptable for my age group to dictate my life. Most people still operate on an old trajectory of go to school, get married, have babies, build a career somewhere in between, and then retire.

If you've followed that course, your life is supposedly "done" by 50.

By modern standards, it means you still have another 70 years to go! What do you do then? Learn to juggle? Master underwater basket weaving? Start again?

Let’s revise this set of life expectations. Here’s a new perspective.

Every human life has its own timeline, journey and course. There is no linear path. You never arrive. And you can do anything you want any time you want in between the two doorways of birth and death. You are a soul tied to a body. An individual tied to the collective. It’s up to you to decide what you do with your life.

The only expectation…

To live the life that your soul asks for. A path meant solely for you. One that only you can devise from the depths of yourself by checking in and choosing heart-mind-body-soul-intuition alignment over and over again, moment to moment.

I am fortunate to be sourrounded by a community of like-minded souls who also delicately attempt to curate a life of their own, on their own terms. I like to think that the adage is true that we attract those most like us and act as mirrors for one another.

Often they send me truly kind words (my Leo sun laps them up) about my apparent youthful- and attractive-ness.

I like to think that the more preconceived notions and conditioning I release the lighter and more open (attractive) I become. In doing so I completely reframe ageing as a process of becoming one self.

If I am to live to 120, then I want to ensure I do so with as much vigour, vibrancy, mobility, flexibility and yes, attractiveness as possible. This means that I choose to live life in such a way that the number of years I've lived has nothing to do with physical ageing and everything to do with inner maturity and life experience. It's like Benjamin Button, but with better skincare and more existential crises.

Recently I read a letter from Garance Doré who proposed the following:

“Remove ten years from your age. 

Good. 

Take me as an example, I am now 39.

Now, feel it. You’re ten years younger, but you know everything you know. Yum!

Great. 

Now think of all the things you would do if you were ten years younger.

Perfect.

Okay well now go ahead and do them.

Because in ten years you’ll look back and tell yourself you were SO YOUNG ten years ago, and you should have done the things.”

She added that people who think they’re younger actually live younger, and are measurably stronger, healthier and happier—it’s researched and proven.

At the same time, while I am devoted to taking care of myself mind-body-heart-soul, I also am loyal to the natural passage of my human life.

I don't get my nails done. I think natural nails are beautiful. Look how pink they are! And perfectly shaped! The intelligence of nature knew what she was doing (take that, acrylic overlords!). I pluck my eyebrows myself but mostly let them grow wild. They're quite demure anyway, like shy caterpillars trying to blend in. I occasionally die them at home. My hair is its natural colour. My bikini line gets waxed twice a year if I feel like it.

Mostly I find all this extra upkeep so boring and tedious and also painful and expensive and most of all, time-consuming.

I believe the best antidote for navigating the cult of youth is untamed authenticity.

Let the rest of the world shape itself into an amalgamation of sameness. Uniqueness and knowing who we are and how to truly be ourselves are going to become the most powerful markers of life in the near future. The ones that will stand out in the end are those of us who reclaim ourselves exactly as we are.

Eventually, we will all decay and our bodies will rejoin the earth. Youth may be wasted on the young, but wisdom is the ultimate revenge of ageing.