it’s 2024 + I have many things to say
a new perspective, my burnout-era, studying in Africa, a famous Gossip Girl’s actress’s simple skincare secret, some q’s I’ve a’d, things you may have missed, & more…
My eyes are red from sleep deprivation on account of the rooster that started crowing at 4 am instead of waiting for the sun to rise. I got up at 6 am to catch a shuttle from Otjiwarongo back to Windhoek, the capital of Namibia, to end the 3½-week adventure where it began.
I am lying across my hotel bed in Windhoek, a large wooden ceiling fan spinning wildly above me to keep the dry desert heat at bay. My bathroom is almost the same size as my bedroom. With stone walls, a bath and a rainfall shower. It feels luxurious and a little bit extra, at less than £20 a night.
On Thursday I fly onwards to Cape Town, South Africa.
On Friday I begin a 6-week acting course that I signed up for on a whim to connect to something bigger and rekindle a creative flexibility in me.
It was one of those moments where my intuition said Google acting courses in Cape Town and I did. I found a surprisingly distinguished one run by a director I admire so I emailed to tell them I am not an actor but I am interested in the course.
A few days later I was coworking with a friend and the barista at the counter looked at me edgewise and asked me if I was an actress because I looked so familiar. I laughed and joked that I was in a series called ‘Vienda In Hove’ and then sat down to find an email from the acting school inviting me to join. If that is not a sign, I don’t know what is…
After a decade of working in the personal growth field, I feel like — in an effort to be sincere and authentic — my ‘personality’ has become too clinched. I hope the course will give me tools to get deeper into the centre of myself and my inner code of ethics to navigate from.
This kismet step to synthesise my sense of self is about my becoming.
I began 2024 swimming in the South Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Africa with no resolutions. No intentions. No ‘word of the year’. No lofty ambitions to run at. Simply, a commitment to living life.
I needed it.
After 18 months when everything felt so overwhelming I couldn’t find the intelligence to function and the life force swept out of me, while I had no idea what was going on, until late last year when a friend + business coach pointed out to me that 2022/2023 was at the pinnacle of my burnout era.
I had burned out and I didn’t even know it. I didn’t know what that was supposed to be or look like. I didn’t know that my complete apathy for anything in life was caused by burnout. I didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to be trying to do everything myself because the world told me that I should, and more. Since I was a child.
I was running three businesses like a deranged lunatic and expecting to be fine.
Speaking of, one of those businesses has been charming a particular actress whose name I won’t mention but I will mention that she was on Gossip Girls had has 1.1 million followers AND one of my Plannhers and engages in discussions on skincare with me. She only uses Avene TriXera Nutri-fluid balm. For everything. To take off make-up. On her face. On her body. And (she added) they’re discontinuing it so stock up. I think she is sad about that.
I made changes.
In April 2023 I stepped back from all 3 and eventually found a team to support The Mentor Training and looked at ways I could distil my personal brand and cradle myself back to wholeness.
When I read back the journal entries from that time and how sad and grief-stricken and despondent I felt, very unlike the self I know, I feel sad all over again.
Now, for the first time in a long time, I catch bubbles of joy spontaneously running through my body and excitement as new ideas are landing for life and work.
Coming to Africa has a lot to do with it. I feel this incredible appreciation for the life I was born into. That I have access to so much good. I can drink water anytime I like, I can shower and swim and bathe, and I can fly to warmer places when I get too cold. I can do work that I adore, that I fully believe in and back, that makes a visible ripple in the fabric of the lives around me.
As I wrote in my last article…:
I observe the same conflicts amongst these indigenous peoples as amongst my people.
One family has more than the other. Resources aren’t shared equally. Jealousy rages and family members become estranged due to conflict. Everyone lies and cheats to put the most in their own pocket. Envy, lack of resources and day-to-day struggle cause the biggest arguments.
There is a hunger for moreness, to have it all, as they see us in the West, and I wish I could tell them that the shiny mirage of our world results in the same despair and unhappiness that they are feeling.
This internal warfare is global.
We were camping with a tribe and my friend Angela gave them money for sugar and tobacco in exchange for our stay. But some of the men took the money and got drunk on it instead. That night they invited us to a healing medicine dance where they would heal the ailments of some villagers. The singers sang a rhythmic tune and the dancers fell into a trance. Picking ashes out of the fire and to distil the medicine. One of the dancers came to me. He touched my hand and then my stomach. Then he made these weird movements in the air with his hands like he was untwisting whatever was in my stomach and letting it fly. The dance came to an abrupt end when a woman came and started wailing and shouting because the money hadn’t been shared fairly and some of the men were drunk. I think about how if we hadn’t come, maybe that wouldn’t have happened because the money wouldn’t have mired their lives and world. I had diarrhoea for the next four days. I still wonder if the medicine dancer did something or if my stomach was reacting to the changes in food and temperature.
It was my burnout that led me to go to Africa and see all these people suffering and remind me that my suffering is a choice unlike theirs and that I can un-choose it.
This overwhelming cloud of self-doubt that overshadowed my entire existence for more than a year is lifting. I feel hope and optimism for my future. I am happy and content and have everything I need.
Sometimes I feel the fear that I’ll fall back into burnout so I’m taking things slowly, prioritising real rest.
Real rest, as it turns out, is active. It’s engaging in things that replenish you, mind, body, soul, and heart. For so long I was looking for the medicine in lethargy when I needed activities that have no sense nor outcome but simply feel good.
Life. So many lessons. Who would have known?
THINGS YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
the millennial crisis
Western-born millennials are coming out from under the illusion that we are owed a good life. Some of us are later to the game on this collective human issue than others...
what is your idea of perfect happiness?
A tribute to 2023 (& an invitation to share your own).
in Namibia we drive (+ 12-min December vlog)
I spend the last full moon of the year, bleeding, my moon cycle synced to the sky, moon bathing during the deepest sleep of my life under a star-sparkled sky in the Etosha Pan surrounded by lions.
YOUR Q’s A’d
What schools did you go to? Did you study at university? (You are my big inspiration).
Thank you :). I moved around a lot as a child so I had a blend of public/private/homeschooling. I didn’t love school. I loved university. I did a 4-year BSc in Psychology. But I would say it is important to try lots of things and find what you want to do with your time and life before committing to higher education because you might not need it. There are so many paths and options to get to where you want to go these days. Be willing to try and fail and be experimental and most of all let your heart guide you.
Any shifts you are seeing internally with your recent travels?
Omg, yes, so many. Some I can’t name yet because they are still landing but so far a real shift in perspective that I have sorely needed. I needed to see the bigger picture of the world again to hone in on and appreciate all the little things. Also: life is a messy, uncontrollable and imperfect thing no matter how you look at it and where you go. So make your little universe the best place you possibly can, adorn it with all the things you love, and surrender to everything else.
Tips for having a healthy relationship with social media.
Decide what you are using it for and what you’re available for. Remember that these instruments are taking your time and attention so be intentional. Set firm boundaries around that. It’s ever-shifting but what works for me atm is:
As a digital creator, create more than I consume. For me, that means only posting when I am moved to, from within, by my inner guidance system.
Keep my ‘following’ list small so that when I scroll I only see my friends and people who truly inspire me.
Have such a full, rich, vibrant ‘in real life’ life that I don’t have time to scroll.
Use social media for business purposes, to share key points and heartfelt and inspiring things that bring goodness to those who choose to follow me.
Come in to nurture connections and community with healthy boundaries.
Thoughts on turning off DMs and comments on Instagram making it a one-way interaction to save time and sanity.
I love the conversations that happen in my DMs. They are a valuable part of my IG use and business so turning them off is not right for me. But it might be exactly what you need in your circumstances. There is no ‘right’ way, just what is right for you.
But I would add that the entire idea behind social media is that it is ‘social’. Imagine you went to a party (IG). Add there was a person sharing ideas and thoughts and making eye contact. But if anyone responded or tried to add their ideas they ignored them… That is not social. That is anti-social. So maybe… don't come to the party?
I’m at a pretty major crossroads in my life. Any words of advice?
Crossroads is a time of transformation and personal growth, requiring you to reflect on your values, make significant decisions, and embrace change. They are a complex and pivotal opportunity to shape your future.
Crossroads — as significant decision-making junctures — such as relationship, career and lifestyle changes, are a necessary part of life. You may be experiencing uncertainty, ethical dilemmas and existential crises.
This is where my decade of experience mentoring in psychology, trauma awareness, pattern deconditioning, life design and inner space shines. Press reply to this email to ask for more info.
Do you still offer 1:1 business mentorship?
I have 2 spaces for my 3-month business container where we can look at your direction and focus for 2024, set up projects and sales prospects, and strategise the next 12 months. I also support sales copy, messaging and business ideas/programs.
Included are 6 x 60-minute calls and email support in between calls.
Get in touch if this speaks to you.
I am excited about writing and working and teaching and sharing again.
Gone is the need to be what the world says it wants me to be, bending over backwards to address every issue with perfect political correctness. That’s not life. That’s some false idea of pretending we live in a flawless world. We don’t. The world is a complete mess. It’s chaotic and imperfect and messy. And we get to make it ours.
If I have learned anything these past few weeks, it is to stay in my own lane.
Some people are visibly unsettled by my sometimes overt display of vulnerability in my writing and sharing, but I am simply reminding them that I am a person just trying to be human. It’s rare to be invited into someone’s world and to see so much of them. I think it’s time we stop hiding so much of who we really are.
Love,
Vienda