we were not made for this world
Loss of productivity, loss of progress, loss of income — is the cost I am bearing — trying to disentangle myself from the hyper-productive capitalist world we live in by taking a step out of it.
Darling,
This is an extra jam-packed communique so I’ve attempted to break it down into six parts for ease of reading and absorbing. I suggest saving it until you have a moment (but not for too long because I have a poll I need you to answer that expires in a week 😅) to sneak away from work or your children/work or whomever/whatever else you want to sneak away from, getting cosy with your favourite drink, and then diving in.
A NEW WORLD
In July I announced that I was intentionally reducing my commitments. This continues to be a theme for me. Loss of productivity, loss of progress, loss of income — is the cost I am bearing — trying to disentangle myself from the hyper-productive capitalist world we live in by taking a step out of it.
Earlier this week I wrote an article on ‘reinvention’ which prompted a passionate conversation with the women in our community that I saved in my IG highlights under ‘crossroads’. I was astounded by the fervent response, such as the following:
And from someone who is outwardly very successful with over 80k+ followers:
(This is the email she was referring to.)
My friend Rachel, a celebrated business coach added this:
She referred me to a resource that states that there is an epidemic of burnout among entrepreneurs and that burnout is not resolved through rest, but through a sense of fulfilment. More love, more joy, more creativity, more connection, more togetherness. Because fulfilment means pouring back into ourselves which fundamentally changes our experience of life.
This leads me to three things.
my personal quests
my next steps professionally,
your q’s a’d about navigating the uncertainty of crossroads and starting over
PERSONALLY
Skim through to the next section if wtf I am doing with my life doesn’t interest you. I get it and promise not to be offended.
My bohemian zig-zagging life shows that I don’t care much for traditional convention but that doesn’t mean I don’t have needs and desires.
I was today years old when I learned about a term called a "glimmer" = the opposite of a trigger.
Glimmers are those micro-moments in your day that make you feel joy, happiness, peace, or gratitude. The more we notice glimmers, the more of these tiny moments begin to appear. I’m in a season of actively seeking out the glimmers. I’m a ‘glimmerer’ as my friend Lola calls it.
I’m also always looking for ‘flow’ in my life.
My premise is that, because the universe is always in flow, and because I am part of the universe when I am in alignment and flow, I will always be led where I need to go.
Part of my spiritual practice is to be in constant communication with the universe and a prayer I turn to on most days is "Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say, and to whom?"
Solutions and opportunities move me in the direction of flow.
I’ve finally figured out the part of the UK I would be happy to base myself in: between south London and the English Channel. I love Forest Row where I live right now. Being here brings me so much glimmer. But finding a place to stay is proving difficult.
There is no flow.
It was always my intention to try and leave for the winter. For my mental health, mostly. I love, love, love the UK but struggle with 5 months of cold, dark winter.
And… I have a cat.
A cat that I love and adore more than words can say. Loving him alongside the nomadic reality of my life is proving to be a challenge. An inconvenience that is nothing measured up against love. He may have saved my life. There have been times when the weight of this world was too heavy to bear but his love made it bearable.
So I am seeking out other ideas to find flow by reaching out to my community = you.
Would you, or someone you know, (UK based) be interested in becoming my cat’s snack bitch and human pillow for 4-ish months? And perhaps would need a car to use, to boot? I’m thinking from mid/late December to late March/early April. Preferably a small household of 1-2 people. I know it doesn’t look like it in photos but away from me — Danger (my cat) — can be a bit nervous unless you are a very calm, gentle soul. I’ve seen him relax around 3 people aside from me in the past 5 years. He’s incredibly sweet, loving, gentle and very clean and house-trained. Though he loves a bit of enclosed garden to prance and skip in, given the chance. Plus, since I won’t be using my car during that time, maybe you can. We would have to discuss details like insurance etc. If this proposition speaks to you, or you know someone who might be perfect, please get in touch.
I’m not sure yet where I would go. Right now South Africa / India / Indonesia / the Philippines call me the most. Maybe a combination of one or a few of those? Right after I visit one of my best friends in Germany whom I haven’t seen in a decade!
Let’s see if this idea finds its flow, i.e.: we find the perfect Danger-lover.
If it doesn’t… I have another option.
Another one of my best friends lives in a cute surfing village in Portugal. Her apartment will be free from mid-December when my sublet here in Forest Row ends, until the start of April, so I could drive there in my car with Danger and skip the winter months that way. It won’t be the same as the tropical heat that I am craving, but it’s still a wonderful alternative.
I do know my privilege despite my writing all this so casually.
I am graciously gifted with a broad global community of soul-sisters who have lived a roaming life adjacent to mine and I recognise that it is an abundant anomaly that not everyone has the pleasure to experience. I am so grateful.
PROFESSIONALLY
After receiving many DM’s, comments and requests to run monthly live group calls I am finally responding to this echoed appeal and I need your help.
The idea is to run two types of calls — one online business-focused, the other on how to navigate life as a woman in this world — applying my particular sense and flavour to each.
The live sessions would be for Substack subscribers at the low monthly subscription cost of £5 and run for 90 minutes on a day and time most suitable for you, beginning in the new year.
Please help me by answering the following.
Once I have these answers, I’ll circle back with more questions relating to days and times. Feel free to press reply and email me with your preferences and suggestions.
Q’s ON FACING CROSSROADS
When discussing ‘crossroads’ earlier this week I asked if there were any questions I could answer. These were the best ones that came through:
How do you let go of old versions of yourself?
We are changing every single second of every single day. Who you think you are is simply an idea of yourself in your mind. An idea you can change easily and at any time. What if you decided to permit yourself to be a fluidly evolving being? What if you relinquished the idea that ‘who you are’ is rigid and the same every day? Who are you then? You can be who you want to be.
How do we navigate fear vs excitement of the unknown? / How do we manage the worries of the unknown and keep faith in ourselves and the new path we have chosen?
We are wired to fear the unknown. That’s why uncertainty — whether at the macro level of a global economic, health, or geopolitical crisis or the micro level (Will I get that job? Will this venture be successful? Am I on the right career path?) — can feel nerve-racking, exhausting, and even debilitating. Let’s remember that uncertainty and possibility are two sides of the same coin.
There are 4 key ways to navigate the fear vs excitement paradox.
Reframe your internal conversation by adopting the position that ‘everything is happening for us, not to us’. It’s all about mindset and how you think about things.
Prime yourself for new risks by taking smaller risks, even in unrelated areas of your life, and by balancing out new risks by maintaining certain routines and habits that make you feel safe.
Do something. Taking action is one of the most important parts of facing uncertainty since you learn with each step you take.
Get resilient at handling the frustration that comes with change and the unknown by choosing to have a ‘learning lens’. Failing hurts but if you ask yourself “What am I learning from this?” “What are the next steps?” you transform that frustration into resilience and action.
The only way for any of us to tap into new possibilities is through the gateway of the unknown. And it doesn’t have to be a painful process if you believe in your ability to navigate it.
How do you find the energy for starting over, when it’s such a big process?
This is again a mindset thing… You get to decide whether starting over is going to be fun and easy, or if it is going to be difficult. Of course, there will be unknowns and obstacles. That’s life. Often staying in your comfort zone — not starting over — is ultimately more exhausting and depleting. You get to choose your own adventure, each and every day.
How do we best prepare for the process of starting over?
Lean in and then let go. Often, we want to make sure everything is perfect and that nothing will go wrong. That’s just our minds and egos trying to protect us. The truth is that nothing will happen until you take the first step and there’s nothing your mind can do to control the process. You have to treat yourself like a child trying something new and be gentle, caring and firm. The best way to prepare is to start taking action towards the new life you are creating now with baby steps.
How do we cope with ‘rock bottom’ fear, anxiety and an overwhelming sense of lack before a reset?
The truth is that ‘rock bottoms’ make us face our biggest fears, and they give us the strength to realise that those fears don’t have any control over us. They teach us how strong we truly are. Rock bottoms are legitimately the biggest tests from life. They are testing our trust, while simultaneously forcing us to break past our fears and grow our self-worth. I’d suggest that you thank the universe, and then again, choose a ‘learning lens’ by uncovering these two things:
What is the lesson?
Where do I need to change/grow/expand my beliefs so this doesn't show up again?
Does it get easier the more times you have done it?
Yes and no. It gets easier in terms of knowing what to expect, knowing what your triggers and coping habits are and what your needs might be to support yourself in the process. But you will still have to navigate the emotional turmoil that accompanies new beginnings, reinventions and starting again such as uncertainty, confusion, fear and doubt.
I have resilience strategies, for example, when I change location, I try to do things that will settle me into a new routine as quickly as possible, like joining a local yoga studio and making new friends through any connections I might have. I take extra care to take care of the simple ABCs of life: good sleep, regular nourishing meals, movement, and sunlight. It’s astounding how these basics can easily drop away in response to change and how vital they are in supporting change.
I also have the stability of my work that I get to anchor a lot of my security on which primes me for taking other risks. Even when everything else around me changes, my clients and commitments are still there. It’s a blessing and a gift.
1:1 SUPPORT
If you are facing a crossroads in your life and would like to book a 1:1 session with me to support you through it, I am taking one-off private clients across the remainder of the year.
As you know, the topics of reinventing oneself / transforming with grace / changing direction / leaving and moving on are things I specialise in.
Learn more about my mentoring approach, other options and education here.
THINGS YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
— Nadia and I recorded a podcast episode on ‘everything we know about boundaries’. Nadia said I ‘dropped the mic’ several times which I think means I said some good, helpful, important things. You can listen to it on Spotify or Apple iTunes.
— ‘expectations’ = how my love-life is going 🥹😂
— There are a million different ways we stand in the way of our dreams and don’t let them in. Here's how to reprogram your toxic habits.
— otherworldly: a real-life scary encounter I had with not one but two ghosts 👻
— how women have been taught to be “strong” “doing-it-all” women in a society that leaves little room for feminine softness — and what to do about it: a woman's worth
Omgoodness… ok. I think that’s everything.
What a life! I am grateful for it all, and totally fine, and also… dissolving into a rainbow mud puddle to become something new
I can’t wait to hear from you and continue this multi-layered conversation.
Sending love.