I've been heartbroken many times

and there's only one way to get through it (working title: how to heal after a breakup)

I still loved him when I left him. The last long-term relationship of mine. Even when the kisses dried up and our lips rasped past each other, more out of habit than affection. Even when the future was hopeless and we knew that our love is not enough.

The next time I nursed a broken heart, I did everything I could to move on.

It is 2021. I feel restless in my life and my body. A year of confinement to a small corner of the world is unfamiliar to me. I keep trying to convince myself that I chose this. That this is good for me. That it has already taught me so much. That this too will pass.

It is the last day of lockdown in the U.K. I will myself to go outside.

I pull on leggings and layers, Spring has not warmed this part of the world enough yet. I tie the laces on my trainers. No headphones, I want to hear the world today. I walk to the sea and turn left. Past crowds of people in their Sunday best and worst, past a cute skater girl in baggy jeans and a tie-dye t-shirt, past a dozen fish and chip stands, past new outdoor seating and eating spaces prepared for the new world that begins tomorrow.

The seafront feels like the day before a festival, the carousel being tested and repaired, the restaurants offering tents set up with carpets to provide outdoor dining options. I walk until my legs start to ache and the path ends at a hidden car park filled with mobile homes and caravans and gypsy girls in long skirts eating from metal plates sitting on the black asphalt.

They remind me of a decade past when I used to live like them and give me heady nostalgia for a life filled with the freedom of few cares beyond the next meal and the next place to sleep.

Here, I smile at them and wave, and spin around to return to the life I call my own.

There, I made a pact not to throw myself into love as easily next time.

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Heartbreak feels like a slow unravelling.

The rhythm of your thoughts shifts; the things that once made sense no longer do.

It’s disorienting, like trying to find your footing on unsteady ground. And while it’s tempting to escape — to distract yourself with noise, busyness, or fleeting moments of comfort — the truth is, heartbreak doesn’t let you run.

The only way out is through.

And the only way through is this: to take all the love, care, and thought you poured into someone else and pour it back into yourself.

Guess, for a moment, how much of yourself you gave away.

How your thoughts revolved around their needs, their dreams, their happiness. How you moulded parts of your life to fit theirs, sometimes without even noticing. It’s so easy to lose yourself in another person, to blur the lines between where you end and they begin.

And when it ends, and those ties are severed, you’re left untethered — adrift, searching for the pieces of yourself you gave away.

The only way to untangle yourself from that is to take all that focus, all that love, all that energy, and pour it back into you. Not in fragments, but wholly, deliberately, and with the same intensity you once reserved for them.

What dreams of your own need championing? What parts of your happiness have gone ignored? What would it look like to make yourself the centre of your world again?

Start there, and rebuild.

Start with the essentials.

Heartbreak is heavy, and it takes a toll on the body as much as the soul. Sleep when you can. Nourish yourself, even if all you can manage are small, simple meals. Let your body move, whether that’s walking aimlessly until the ache subsides or finding a quiet space to stretch and feel your breath steadying. These small acts may not feel profound, but they are the roots of healing — tender reminders to yourself that you are worth tending to.

Turn inward.

Heartbreak thrives on loops — the endless replay of what was said, what wasn’t, what could have been. Rather than fighting these thoughts, give your mind something else to hold. Learn something new. Return to something old you loved but abandoned. Write, even if the words don’t make sense. Read stories that inspire you. Let your curiosity lead you, gently coaxing your attention away from the wound and towards possibility.

Nurture your heart.

Heartbreak offers renewal. Reconnect with the parts of your life that aren’t tied to what you’ve lost. Seek out the people who see you, the ones who remind you of who you were before. Laugh with them, even if it feels strained at first. If you’re lucky enough to have someone who will simply sit beside you in silence, let them. If you don’t, find small moments of connection elsewhere — a conversation with a kind stranger, a shared glance with someone who understands. These moments, however fleeting, are reminders that the world hasn’t stopped spinning and that it still holds beauty for you.

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There isn’t a quick fix. Healing from heartbreak is an act of patience and devotion. Some days, you’ll feel strong — alive, even — and others will pull you back under. Every time you choose to redirect your love inward, you’re rebuilding. Slowly, quietly, but undeniably.

And one day, without even realising it, you’ll notice that the ache has softened.

You’ll look around at the life you’ve been creating and see something remarkable: a version of yourself who is not only whole but expansive. A self who knows how to love deeply, but now understands how to be loved in return — starting from within.

Keep going. For as long as it takes. Until it stops hurting.

It’s the only way.