in my soft era...
...a personal update; live 'her way' circles starting next year; my holiday gift guide with discount codes; things you might have missed; & goodbye for now.
It’s late. Later than I intended to finish this note to you.
I’m cuddled underneath a throw lying against the pillows of my bed in my tiny cottage studio in Forest Row with my laptop balanced against my thighs trying to pry the perfect beginning to this note from my fingertips and failing. There’s a herbal tea steaming on the bedside drawer but I realise that it might be too late even for me to drink that if I want to go to sleep soon without waking for a midnight pee. Earlier today I read the phrase ‘perfectionism is a frozen form of idealism’. Those words now remind me to soften my approach.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the intersections in our lives…
Was it chance? Is it fate? How much of our lives is pre-written? How much is free will?
A few years ago I read a passage in a book, which book I can’t remember nor exactly how it was written, but roughly paraphrasing: that there is a point in a woman’s life where she has to make a choice.
The choice is twofold.
To either soften to the maelstrom that is life. Surrendering to your vulnerability and sweet, fragile humanity. To let love and loss sweep you up and open your heart even in the peaks of pain.
Or to harden against it. Slip on your armour to avoid the hurt and commiserate with bitterness. To close your heart so you don’t have to feel.
The harbinger of this choice comes not just for women, but for all people.
I have concluded that, amongst the bedlam and general failure of our society and the dramas that are currently unfolding on the world stage, we are in a battle for the soul of the universe.
That battle exists within each one of us as much as it does outside of us. If we want the battle to end, we have to choose a response that offers no resistance to honesty, love, truth and hope.
If everything is ‘kismet’ then this current intersection we are all witnessing is part of a bigger story. One that we get to choose our character.
Do you choose to…
open your heart?
or close it?
We have to be willing to be wrong, to want to learn and change, and to soften our approach to everything.
Let it all dissolve. So it can become new again.
(continued down below…)
HER WAY CIRCLES
Next month, we are starting our first of (I hope many, many) monthly live ‘Her Way Circles’ by popular demand.
If you are new or didn’t see where this concept began, refresh your memory here. We will begin in January and I cannot wait to meet you there.
Every month we will meet, with a theme in mind, to talk about: femininity, inner space, life design, relationships, creative expression, and generally the ‘her way’ approach to existing in this world, led by me. You can join from the comfort of your own soft space, with the camera off and just listen, or show your face, share, ask questions and engage at whatever level feels right to you, each month.
But first, I need your help, one more time…
That’s London | Sydney | Los Angeles. Check your time zone here.
The cost to join the monthly circles (+ get the replay) is included in the cost of the ‘kismet’ subscription. (There’s also a free 7-day trial).
YOUR HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE ✨
These are a few of my favourite things that I own, use and recommend ...with discount codes for some of them, in alphabetical order:
Goddess Charms: get 15% off with my code LOVEVIENDA
The most special of necklaces, I have the Lakshmi charm for love and prosperity on a medium chain and the Leo charm from their brand new Zodiac collection on a long chain so I can stack them.
Moroccan Essentials: get 20% off with my code VIENDA
If I could afford to, I would give the ‘Royal Hammam’ experience to every single woman I know. Because every single woman I know, needs this! So if you or your loved ones are based in London, give her this.
If you’ve ever encountered the Deodorant Dilemma then this is the solution. I’ve put so many friends on this miracle solution, and the best bit is, you only need to reapply every 3-4 days and it is actually totally natural. Plus, one tube seems to last me an entire year. The perfect stocking stuffer and an absolute favourite of mine.
ONAIE: get 30% off with the code PAYDAY
This is where I got my favourite merino wool gilet which is perfect for layering or throwing on for a quick dash outside in stormy weather. They also have slippers I’ve been lusting over but I already have moccasins so...
I have to include my planner-and-journal-in-one intuitively made especially for women. It’s the gift that gets the most heart-eyes that I have ever given. I might be biased but I think it offers the best balance of structure and flow that every woman needs. Plus, with a brand new year coming our way, what better time to get organised with a beautiful new Plannher.
Subscription to my Substack ‘kismet’ :)
Underdays: get 20% off all products via this link.
Finding the perfect underwear that lasts, doesn’t fade, doesn’t give VPL, goes with everything, is made from a breathable and natural material, and is comfortable was impossible. Until I found Underdays. Worth. Every. Penny. Please note that the 20% discount code is only valid for new Underdays customers on your first order of £30+.
THINGS YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
the following are paid subscriber articles that you can access with the free 7-day trial
— something will happen. When I don’t know what I am going to do next, or how things will come together, even in my moments of greatest despair I always come back to this one thing: Something. Will. Happen. Read it here.
…one reader wrote:
“LOVED this article by Vienda! It made me feel giddy, content and inspired to lean into trusting ✨”
…another:
“I loved this post Vienda. “Something will happen” - what a lovely and needed reminder when things feel stagnant - a mantra that feels like a big breath of fresh air.”
— a 28-step guide to heartbreak 💔 because I know what I’m talking about. Send this to a friend who needs it.
…one reader wrote:
“I feel there is a lot of wisdom here relating to life in general. It can also apply to relationships with family, friends, business, and social media. The art of “knowing oneself” and practising kindness in any situation is a healthy, lifelong pursuit. 🙏”
— 13 films & series to watch this holiday season 🍂 because it’s that time of the year…
If you have been feeling a lot lately, know that you are not alone.
Lately, everyone I speak to is in some kind of despair. Grieving loss, exhausted by a broken system, facing familial or relationship breakdown, struggling financially, reeling from cynicism, overwhelmed by the injustices of the world. So many people seem to be integrating and processing big things.
It all feels like too much.
We are tired.
Naturally, when we are processing big things our bodies need more support and rest.
We are living in a world where life involves overcoming adversity. This is life. There is a silent battle within each of us. We win that battle with hope.
With the pursuit of greater understanding, greater compassion, and greater levels of creativity we add to the world.
Hope sustains us because it gives us the courage to ask for more, wish for better and take action towards those things despite our despair.
2024 feels full of hope.
Like a fresh beginning, more so than the years before have been. I find myself pulling back from a lot of things as I integrate and process not only the past 12 months, but also the past 2-3 years.
I’m signing off until I’m ready to return next year (paid subscribers will continue to receive weekly missives from me). So I want to close by thanking you.
For being here. For making this community in this particular corner of the internet so special. For journeying alongside me and sending me heartening responses to the emails I send you. I read and love each and every one. My life would not be what it is, without you. You matter, more than you know.
Thank you thank you thank you.
May the liminal time of the festive season give you exactly what you need.
Goodbye for now.
Vienda