life design

7/8 — the seventh rule of her way club (aka: how to change your life in 6-12 months)

Continuing our 8 rules of her way club series. If you’re just joining, begin here:

1/8 — deciding to play by your own rules
2/8 — subtracting what doesn’t belong
3/8 — the natural consequence: uncertainty
interlude — her way deep rest
4/8 — trust yourself
5/8 — inner life
6/8 — outer life
7/8 — life design
8/8 — creator

at Art Basel Paris 2025 yesterday, predictably admiring the way the light hits the floor, which is not technically part of the art exhibition

This week, I am tired. The kind of fatigue that comes when your nervous system finally gets permission to stop holding it all together. After months of spinning my wheels, leaving New York, hovering in uncertainty about where and when I would land, it finally happened.

I found an apartment in Paris. A frantic search, hopeful messages that went unanswered, some near-misses and a false start later, I moved in. The first week disappeared in a blur of unpacking and catching up on everything that had been urgent and waiting. Work deadlines, emails, small domestic details like finding where to buy detergent. I needed to land and find my pace again: a work rhythm, a home rhythm, a sense of myself inside this new city. And all of it caught up with me.

By Thursday, I was dragging myself from one meeting to the next, still pretending I wasn’t running on fumes. On Friday, I tried to fill my creative cup by going to Art Basel with a new friend. It was beautiful, but after a few hours I felt overstimulated, so I went home. I started watching the first season of Andor with my headphones on while epilating my legs and underarms, reclaiming my body from the world. I showered, moisturised, and climbed into bed by seven. An exhale I’d been holding for months.

Even in my exhaustion, I am still delighted by the smallest things: the washing machine in my apartment (a luxury after nyc), waking up and looking out of my cliché Parisian window to see the opposite windows and rooftops, hearing the hum of the city around me. I love working on my own schedule and earning a living doing work I love and believe in.

Which brings me to the seventh rule of Her Way Club: life design.

You are always creating your life. Every thought, every choice, every habit is a creative act. The only difference between those who create consciously and those who don’t is awareness. When you bring what has been unconscious into the light, your creativity becomes aligned: with truth, with pleasure, with peace, with purpose.

I have created a life that I am genuinely proud of. Through hundreds of small, intentional choices. The life I live now was once just an idea I was shaping: the slow mornings, the freedom to work from anywhere, the ability to follow my seasons instead of forcing myself into someone else’s timeline. My days are simple and full. I wake up slowly, make tea, open the windows to let in air and sound, and write until noon. I take long walks, meet friends, make time for art and beauty, and rest when I need to. This too is work: tending to the inner soil from which all creation grows.

I no longer have to start over every time I change cities or a relationship ends. My sense of security lives inside me. And even while I appreciate what I have created, I am working quietly, diligently to create the next version of my life, the one that will meet the woman I am becoming.

To firstly change and secondly consciously create your life, your personal ideal lifestyle comes first. It means that before you make a decision that could impact your future, you consult with your ideal lifestyle.

ask yourself

I often have to ask myself, “Is this the life I actually want to live?”

Sometimes the answer is no. And when it is I have to adjust. Sometimes I realise I’ve been tempted by dreams and goals that belong to someone else, or I’ve slipped into the comfort of pre-worn tracks, or let social expectations quietly steer me away from what’s truly mine. When that happens, I have to stop and reset my life.

For me, one of life’s greatest luxuries is having the space and time to respond to life in a present, intuitive, moment-to-moment way. It means choosing to operate from a place of spaciousness. For that to be possible, I need to have control over how and where I spend my time. Which means I cannot be beholden to others for my income, environment, or energy.

I share this as an example because it’s true for me, but that doesn’t make it true for you. Across the past six “rules” in this series, I’ve planted seeds for you to begin identifying your own truth. So you can start making decisions about the kind of life you actually want. Maybe some of what I share resonates. Pick out the parts that do.

I encourage you to spend time thinking about what your ideal lifestyle feels like and to reverse-engineer it from there.

create your lifestyle

Here’s a simple exercise to start clarifying your ideal lifestyle and bridging the gap between where you are now and where you want to go.

1. Get a large piece of blank paper and a pen.
   A4 will do. That’s usually what I have lying around. Turn it horizontally so the long edge faces up, and draw two lines down the page to divide it into three parts. This doesn’t have to be perfect; you’re creating clarity, not art. (Though if you love beauty like I do, you can turn it into something beautiful later.)

2. Title each section:

   • Left third: NOW

   • Middle: LEAP

   • Right third: IDEAL LIFESTYLE

3. Begin at the end.
   Under IDEAL LIFESTYLE, write in detail what your ideal life looks and feels like.

   • How do you feel in your body?

   • How do you like? Body? Style? Image?

   • How do you begin your day?

   • What do you spend your time doing?

   • Where is your focus and attention?

   • How do you contribute to the world?

   • What do you receive from the world?

   • How do you sleep, and with whom?

   • What is your financial situation?

   • What are your relationships like?

   • Who do you spend time with?

   • What do you love?

   • How does a day, a week, and a month flow for you?

   • Add anything else you can think of that you want to include here…

4. Then return to the beginning.
   Under NOW, answer those same questions honestly. What does your current lifestyle look like? Where are you out of alignment? Where are you pretending? Be detailed and ruthless in this process, but also kind. This is a moment of radical integrity, not self-judgment.

Pause now.
Before your LEAP, you may need a break. It takes strength, courage, and energy to choose the path of radical self-responsibility. You are on the path of becoming a creator, which is the final rule of her way club. This is the time to practice self-compassion. Be generous with yourself. Forgive the versions of you who made choices that weren’t true or kind. We are all doing our best. Now, you have the chance to realign and do better.

life design

Now ask yourself: What needs to change for my life to truly be my own?

5. Go to the middle section of your page: LEAP.

   This is where you close the gap between where you are now and the life you’re consciously creating. Identify what shifts need to happen, both internally and externally, for your days and life to begin reflecting your truth. Write down all the things that you can start being, doing and moving towards or leaning into. What needs to happen to bridge that gap, and what can you own and take responcibility for? It’s time to get busy!

I have become quite clear on my ideal lifestyle over the years.

I want to wake up naturally without an alarm — usually between seven and eight am — and drink a cup of tea in bed while looking out the window. I spend two to four hours writing, then get dressed in something that makes me feel gorgeous. I go on walks, meet new people, explore new places, wander through flea and farmers markets, take an exercise class, read new books, build creative projects, eat fresh, local food, watch live music, go dancing, laugh with people I love, go to sleep when I’m tired, and generally feel creative, grateful, inspired, beautiful, and alive.

When that lifestyle is maintained, my mind, body, spirit, and business continue their natural process of evolution and growth becasue they are held by a container of a life that is authentic and feels good to me. When we create the conditions of a good life, nothing but a good life can flourish from there.

Life design is not about having everything figured out or seeing the whole picture. It’s about stepping into the knowing that you are the author of your own life experience, that your choices, beliefs, and perspectives shape your world, and that by taking ownership of them, you begin to live with intention, clarity, and alignment.